Katie Price is WRONG about porn

Catherine Etherington offers a response to the exchange between Katie Price & a psychotherapist on daytime TV. 

I was recently sent a clip by a colleague from a very popular and well known daytime TV show which had a discussion on sex addiction. Involved in the discussion were psychotherapist Lucy Beresford and glamour girl Katie Price, who had discovered her husband had a diagnosed sex addiction after having an affair with her sister.

During this discussion, a call came in from a female viewer who was seeking advice regarding her husband’s porn addiction. In the call that was read by the TV presenter, she described herself as feeling betrayed, not good enough and stated that it seemed her husband would rather watch other women on a screen than spend time with her in the bedroom.

As a coach working with women married to sex and porn addicts and the wife of a recovering sex addict, I know that these feelings are real, intense and deeply hurtful.

Whilst I have no expectations that Katie Price should be able to offer anything other than her personal opinion and experience on this topic, I cannot deny that I am deeply disappointed by the exchange that followed on such a public and influential platform. The psychotherapist agreed that the behaviour described by the caller was problematic and needed to be addressed. She talked about porn addiction being a self-soothing behaviour and a mean of emotional regulation wh

ere these skills may be lacking. I agree. She talks about this behaviour being nothing to do with the wife necessarily and her need to separate herself from that belief. I agree (although quite how you’re meant to do that is beyond most of us at the time we are first dealing with this).

Sadly, those first few sentences of advice were, for me, overshadowed by the typically ‘porn-influenced’ response that followed from Katie Price who chimed in with what has been dubbed elsewhere in the mainstream media as ‘sound advice’. That advice?

Katie Price: “Join him, I haven’t got a problem with a man if they want to watch porn”

This advice was then echoed by Lucy Beresford who stated “Watching porn in itself is not a bad thing necessarily. It’s the way in which sometimes it can take you away from another relationship, so watch it together”.

Porn is an addiction.

My first response to this is a visceral desire to point out that we are not talking about the views of Katie Price and what she thinks is acceptable here, what she has a problem with and what she doesn’t. What we are talking about here is a wife who feels betrayed but what we are led to believe is a repeated pattern of betrayal by using porn behind her back (she states in the original call that she ‘caught’ him using porn AGAIN). What we are talking about is an addiction. It is never lost on me that when the partner of a porn addict speaks of their distress at the behaviour of their significant other, they are the ONLY partner of an addict demographic that would be encouraged to join in with the addictive behaviour.

As a recovered heroin addict, working for a decade with recovering women at both peer and professional level, I have never ever heard someone say to the husband or wife of the addict that they should consider shooting up heroin as a resolution to their distress regarding the behaviour! The thought is truly shocking! No wife of an alcoholic has ever been told that they sho

uld go down the pub with him nor wife of a gambling addict that they should ‘have a flutter’ themselves. When you think about it in those terms, is this advice not indeed ludicrous?!

What about the wife?!

My second response to this relates to the utter invalidation of the feelings of the wife in what is a typically addict centric approach to this problem. In this instance, the wife has clearly articulated her feelings of low self-esteem, betrayal, rejection and in favour of on screen women. In what universe does anyone imagine that she is going to feel inclined to enter in to the online sex show that has created the disconnection in her marriage that is causing these feelings? This advice serves only to send a message that she has no doubt already heard through society and culture since she was a small girl. That it DOESN’T MATTER whether she likes it or not, it’s just what men do and she should get used to it and join in instead of standing up for her right to be the only woman in her marriage.

Forgive me, but when did we lose the right to choose what is acceptable in our marital relationships and when did we permit married men to entirely disregard the feelings of their spouse in favour of pixelated entitlement?

If, as the psychotherapist in this discussion says, sex and porn addiction causes men to use energy that would otherwise be invested into their relationship on pornography, would it not make sense that, to save that relationship, they re-channel this energy back to their spouse. There is an overwhelming amount of evidence to show that when addicted men engage in addictive behaviours, they create neuropathways in the brain that become their primary pathway for this behaviour. Hence, men addicted to porn can and do arrive at a point where only this type of stimulation can create sufficient stimulation to create erection and orgasm. Cue porn induced erectile dysfunction and inability to be sexual with the wife. To me, any suggested response to this issue that proposes to maintain and indeed strengthen those unwanted neuropathways, is misguided at best and abusive to wives at worst.

So, let’s STOP telling these wives (and husbands!) that the way for them to deal with betrayal is for them to betray themselves, their rights, their morals, their convictions and their marriage vows!

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If your husband or partner is addicted to sex and pornography, there is help and healing available for you. XXXposed Hearts is an online support group for women who have been betrayed. To find out more information, read our blog here.
By |2017-04-25T15:00:34+00:00April 25th, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments

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