“Our sex therapist blamed me for my husbands porn use..”

Sometimes when we talk about the issue of pornography, we can forget that real lives and real individuals are directly impacted. This is why we think it’s so important to share real-life stories and testimonies of people that we meet. Not only is it important to give these people a voice but it gives us all more understanding and compassion. 

Please do get involved on social media if you want to help spread our message…


It was soon after the birth of my daughter. I walked into the bedroom one evening and witnessed my husband using pornography. I felt devastated and humiliated. I didn’t know to process it and felt that there was nobody that I could tell. How could I? They would assume the issue was that I wasn’t sexy enough to keep his interest. I believed that there must be something wrong with me and my husband confirmed that by telling me that his viewing porn was my fault for not initiating sex enough.

I was a new mother, confused and tired, and now also believed that I was failing my husband. He had rejected me, his loving wife, in favour of the women in porn.

Even trying to reassure myself with having ‘a low libido since having the baby,’ I was still so devastated, upset and angry and had shown my husband that. He saw how much it hurt me, so how could he possibly do it again? I was certain that he wouldn’t make the same mistake again.

He did it again.

How could someone inflict that much insult on another person, knowing how they felt? I felt like a fool and thought I was unlovable.

My husband yelled at me that “all men do it” and even our sex therapist suggested that I was “trying to control his freedom to explore his sexual fantasies.”

“If you don’t want to do these things, why can’t he experience them alone?” she said.

I felt like I was going crazy and felt like I must be the only woman to feel this way.

When I joined an online community the validation I experienced was the beginning of my healing. It was like balm for a wounded heart. I wasn’t the only one to feel this intense pain. I realised that I wasn’t the only one who believed that marriage should only include two naked people, not two thousand! I wasn’t the only one confused and hurt by this repeated betrayal. I wasn’t the only one being told “it’s your fault”.

It turns out I’m also not the only one with an array of symptoms such as numbness, anger, feeling panicked by any hint of nudity on tv, hyper-vigilance and an aversion to sex. I realised I was experiencing a real and well-documented series of trauma symptoms.

I wasn’t crazy. And I wasn’t alone.

I don’t know where I would be today without the support and validation found amongst women experiencing this same trauma. Perhaps I would still be numbly trying to accept his porn use while my soul withered and died. Maybe I would never have found the information that empowered me to challenge him and force him to face his addiction. Maybe we would be separated now. I cannot emphasise enough how life-changing the support of other women is.

I am now part of ‘XXXposed Hearts‘ which is a secret online support group run by the Naked Truth Project. If you are going through the secret pain of ‘virtual infidelity’ you can find ‘virtual support’ that brings REAL healing.

Having support groups in my journey has been vital. It’s the place that’s enabled me to breathe again.

 


 

If you’d like to join our online support group, read this blog for an explanation of the process.

 

By |2017-03-23T09:36:43+00:00March 17th, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments

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