Mental health, sexual abuse, same-sex attraction, singleness, pornography & masturbation. All subjects which people feel nervous to talk about, even though many of us struggle. Listen to Esther Bonsu’s interview as she discusses all of this and more.
Esther’s journey of struggling with pornography started at the tender age of 6 after being abused and exposed to pornography by a man in her families’ community. Feeling confused and curious, she began to access pornography first via a TV channel at primary school and then, with the introduction of hi-speed internet, through pornography websites.
Pornography and sexual abuse deeply impacted Esther’s self-esteem, her relationships with others and with God.
She says “From a young age, I wanted to kill myself. I thought I must be a curse. I must be a mistake. I must be the person that God brought to the earth to take the wrath on.” For those of us struggling to keep afloat due to every day situations at home, work or at Church, pornography steps in starts to serve as a fantasy world and “an escape from the turmoil.” We use it to feel better but it leaves us feeling emptier than before.
“Pornography is about trapping yourself into this world. The whole world is about you. You have control of this world which nobody else is invited to where you can use your imagination to build any storyline you like and escape from the storyline of the reality that you wish you were never a part of.”
Struggling with pornography leaves individuals feeling trapped, alone and ashamed. Many porn addicts that we meet experience intense self-hatred, low self-esteem and suicidal thoughts as they believe that they are not only too worthless to change but believe there is no way out.
Whether you’re struggling with pornography yourself or want to support somebody who is, listen to Esther’s interview as she gives insight into how her experiences have impacted the way she thinks about herself, her relationship status and God.